Two Extremes

I couldn’t really think of a list of 5 songs this week because my head’s been all over the place. Already my project is failing big time! However in an effort to make up for this week I decided to post up two songs that have stirred very strong emotions in me. Videos and links after the cut.

Awkward conversations.

No matter how old I get they never go away. The content has changed a bit over the years though.

“Well we’ll need an extra room for when you have kids so it’s good that the house has so many.”

“Dad, I’m not even seeing anyone and realistically speaking if I were to have kids, which I don’t want to have, then we’re talking about babies that would exist at least ten years from now.”

“Right we’ll need the room for them then.”

“…”

“…”

“So… you guys will be able to get flower beds and trees in the backyard yeah?”

I’ve long since lost my words.

Let’s try a twice weekly for the rest of the month. We’ll alternate between a simple playlist and an actual post.

I’ve been busy (excuse #406) and my head is getting out of whack to get it back in whack I’m going to try to keep myself busy instead of mulling over horrible things. Wish me luck.

This week I bring you the first in what I’m going to call The Weekly Head Check playlists. At the end of a week I’ll summarize where my head’s been during that week in exactly 5 songs. This first one is all over the place and you can view it under the cut or here: Linkey Winkey

I’m home but now I’m not home… PAX 09

It was one of the first of many tweets I put up after finally being connected to the internet again. Even with my general PAX euphoria dying down it still feels true. When I got to my car and started heading back to my little home next to the highway I felt kind of empty. Very happy but at the same time a little sad that it was all over. I was left to wonder about the life I was building for myself; especially the parts that included people. Overall I’ve been very bad at getting to know people here in my new home and I would very much like to change that. Austin is apparently home to a lot of nerds (though they don’t have to be nerds haha).

Being an Omeganaut was awesome. I’m sure we all had a general feeling of “I’m usually not anybody special at home so this is a real treat” when we were allowed to skip lines and just be generally noticeable. I got my Omega shirt signed by Wil Wheaton so really I can’t ask for anything more.

I saw  many people worth getting starry eyed over: Gabe, Tycho, The Khoo, The Enforcers, The Omegatech, various industry people, and people who I “knew” from forums or twitter.

I got interviewed once or twice? I don’t remember. Though I think I was fairly dumb in most of them. All of them. If anyone finds one feel free to pass it along to me so I can laugh at myself (because there’s not enough opportunity to do so in good fun)

I did things I usually wouldn’t do like Pax Taxi:

http://www.viddler.com/explore/breakingthegame/videos/36/

I was very very loud. Though being very very loud rewarded me with many new friendships/acquaintances as well as a tim tam!

For the first time in a long time I let myself drink something alcoholic. Not to deep too far into the waters of hell but it was very very nice to be able to drink on my own terms. I could drink what I wanted, when I wanted, how little or much I wanted, and the people around me could be trusted not to hurt me. This weekend has healed a lot of deep wounds in a lot of ways. Which surprised and delighted me.

The swag was amazing, I had to leave some of it behind because I very much underestimated how awesome PAX is. I now have enough shirts to build a small fort. Which I may do as my head is still too fuzzy to really do much else today (consars)

I got to play lots of games and am now determined to one day own an XBOX so I can be a full on gamer. Also so I can frag and teabag all of you to the pain. Oh no… to the death is too weak for you awesome mofos.

I got to meet a small child who will one day be “old internet money”. Tycho’s son came up to me and laughed angelically as he showed off his favorite purple rubber glove.

This kid could rival my own beloved niece for cutest kid on the planet.

Oh that reminds me! I even found a game that I could possibly play with my niece one day soon which was awesome.

Tamed a giant demon horse.

I is ceiling cat?

Cold meds are breaking down my focus.

Jesus I miss the Omegas, the +1’s, my friends, my fellow twitter shitters, the forumites, my Ravenclaws…

Hey guys, I just had an awesome idea. Let’s do it all again next year! Keep in touch or I will be sad.

Love,

Alejandra aka Lokiale aka The chick from Austin whose name was really long and crap if I could hear it in the expo

aka Ceiling Cat (please never touch yourselves again)

Peek into the Lokiale ( a less hyper post )

On cooking and then a short bit on down moods. A bit more personal but I think that’s OK because it is my blog after all. (We can’t all be cool kids)

When I make something that doesn’t come out right it always leaves a hollow feeling at the pit of my gut. There’s guilt of food being wasted and the horrible realization that trying to eat whatever mess I made will most likely make me sick. When something comes out right I want to share it with the world; however I usually just cook for myself. So I freeze the better things (and sometimes the worst things only to end up throwing them away later) that are leftover. Sometimes I cook for my family but it’s always a bit of a gamble as to how things will come out because I love trying new recipes for them.

Making something delicious is rewarding for many obvious reasons. It’s a quick realization of skill and worth even in times when you’re not easily letting yourself know anything good about yourself.

One of the most annoying things I deal with on a fairly constant basis is being in a really low mood even when everything is going great. I’m working on it more than ever but because I spent most of my life never acknowledging that I was feeling very sad or angry for no reason (bottle bottle who has the bottle) it’s a huge task to have to take on. Especially when I realize that I’m lucky that the biggest obstacle in my life is myself. I get tired easily and every now and again there are times where I wish I could just take a time out for a couple millennia before trying it all over again. It always passes eventually.

Don’t worry this isn’t a cry for help, I’m getting all the help I need. It’s just sometimes it feels like it’s good to reflect as well as just accept that sometimes I’m very upset or sad and that I have just as much a right as anybody else to feel that way. Plus it’s always a lot easier to work past something that you know is there rather than something you only suspect to be there.

I’ve had a very strange, awful, wonderful, and interesting life so far. I’m looking forward to a lot more of it for better or worse but this is most likely the most into it I’ll ever go in this journal. For all I tell everyone I still keep myself very unknown but not for really any reason except that I like to defy expectations constantly. (For all my doubts I still have a healthy heap of hubris in me. It is delicious and infallible.)

To the stars and back again everyone.